Мой блог

Every so often Heavenly Father throws me a curve ball and I am reminded that each and every day is a gift.  We never really know what is around the corner.

This weekend I had a million plans. I knew what I was going to wear, who I was going to see, what we were going to do and how much fun we were going to have.

Yet amid all the best kept plans, the coordination of schedules and conversations, nothing happened the way I had envisioned it.

While this is just a bump in the road in the grand scheme of life it is just another reminder of how easily and quickly things can change.

This isn’t a new concept to me.  Surely with the last six years under my belt I have enough evidence of Heavenly Father’s sense of humor when I relate to him what my plans are.  Yet, as usual it is something I keep having to re-learn or be reminded of from time to time.

How do we best prepare ourselves for what might be coming at us from around the corner?  I’ve pondered this question a lot this weekend. Not just the little things, but the grand ones. How different would my life have been if I had been more prepared.   If I had known anything about the disability world.  If I had known anything about the human body and the way it functioned. I wonder if I had been familiar with the systems of care I would come in contact with or if I had any real guidance as how to navigate them.  What would my life have been like this last six years had I been armed with even a speck of information regarding these things.

We all face uncertainty. Individually and collectively.  We can map out and plan our lives down to the very tiniest detail, yet despite our best efforts there will be twists and curve balls.

Small little tiny things, a speck on the calendar that goes unfulfilled and the snowball effect of those things. Great big events that splatter all over your life and change the way you are, how you cope and your entire existence.

Preparing for these surprises seem almost ridiculous.  I mean, now that I know the hardships as well as the greatships that have come from having a disabled child I could prepare every expectant mother on the planet on the what ifs.  Yet, six years ago, I would not have known to even ask.

I think the real answer lies in how well we deal with these splotches.  How we cope with the unexpectedness of those curve balls that life throws us.  I know for certain I have much to learn.

I cope with avoidance.  I ignore things I need to do, because of a new drama that is unfolding.  I refuse to have conversations that I am scared of having. As I go through life, I get better at these things, but have no perfected them by any shape of the imagination.  I have hurt others beyond anything I can describe because of this.  Just one phone call and I probably could have handled things so much better. But, nope.  I hide.

I hope that in the future, I can retain what I have learned.  That I can wade through my own insecurities and heartaches and realize that others around me deserve to at least know the truth and what is going on.

I read in a disability parenting book that we realize at one point as parents that our friends will never really understand our situations.  We also sense that our friends don’t really want to know the ups and downs and heartaches.  I think there is a lot of truth to that.  It’s not a fault of anyone, not really.  We are all afraid of things we don’t know or understand, combined that with it having to do with our children, it even compounds those issues.   So, while I believe this to be true I think it does friendships an injustice.  Why should I assume that my friends don’t want to know. I need to at least give them the opportunity to say how they are feeling.

Their is a huge vulnerability to that however.   It is horribly uncomfortable to feel so exposed. That is the root of the root and the bud of the bud.

Hopefully someday in a Galaxy  not so far away,  I will be able to pull together myself and respond to those curve balls that are just around the corner.

Until then, I hope you can all hang with me.  I am enormously grateful for those of you help me be the best I can be.

The other evening I was having dinner with a friend.  We were at this new Chinese buffet in town.  While dining a group of young people came in.

I glanced over at them as they were seated.  Earrings, tattoos, funky hair and obnoxious clothing.  I went back to the conversation at hand and tried to ignore the banter across the isle.  As the crude discussion, jabs about sex and immorality along with other off handed comments proceeded, my ability to stay focused on my friend and our conversation became almost impossible.

I leaned over and said, “I don’t think those kids are making good choices.”

I will never know for sure the way those kids lives will turn out.  Who they were or what their stories are.   One thing, I could go out on a limb and suggest tho, is that group of kids did not have a niche.

I see all the time people balking at ideas.  They hate sports or teams, they don’t like this or that.  They say they don’t need friends or people, they cry out that they can take care of themselves and refuse others help.

I wonder about the Columbine kids.  Who thinks they were boy scouts? Did they belong to the water polo team? Did they participate in chess club or run track? Did they have an adult in their lives that knew them? Talked and listened to what they had to say? Who heard their pain an understood their isolation, their heart ache?

I’ve read almost anything I could find on them at one time or another, and from all accounts reported, it does not seem so.

When people go through lives not being a part of anything it seems they rebuff inclusion.  They scoff at the Olympics and have no interest in groups or clubs. They feel flat at church and refuse to participate or even go.

Here’s the thing. We are humans. We all need to feel some semblance of acceptance.  We all want to be understood and appreciated.  Even when we say, it isn’t so.

We all need help at times.  We need support systems and people to call when there is an emergency.  Just as we all need the opportunity to serve our fellow men, we need the opportunity to allow ourselves to be served.  I truly believe with all of my heart that when we deny others the chance to serve us we are doing a great injustice to society and that there will be eternal ramifications for denying other those chances.

No matter what your “thing” is. Music, sports, art or what ever your interest might be… look around you and see if there is someone to bring into the fold. I am not suggesting that we need to all love the Olympics, or that we need to follow water polo (or maybe I am.. ha) I am merely suggesting that we all need something to be a part of.

Otherwise, gangs would not exist. Otherwise we would not have kids desiring to shoot each other. Greed would be less and peace would be more plentiful.

It’s just a theory, but I am thinking… I might be on to something !